Writer's Block (Psych!)
by Flywheel Shyster and Flywheel
Summary: A series of very random Ed, Edd n Eddy one-shots, quite possibly inspired by a single line suggested by a reader. Anything could happen.
1. Might Name the Robot Beanie

Like so many other children their age, the Kanker sisters loved the summertime. The freedom from school, the sunlight that lasted well into the evening, going for a swim in the local water hole. But the thing they loved the most had to be that moment when they would enthusiastically return home from school for the final time that year to find their mom, Debbie, locking up their trailer home and packing the car that had once belonged to the youngest sister May's father, whose visits were becoming more and more sporadic.

Every summer, without fault, the family of four would climb into that beaten up Dodge with the Kanker matriarch behind the wheel and putter off, out of the trailer park and home. Halfway across the country they would drive, all three sisters bickering in the back seat while their mom would occasionally shout over her shoulder that she would turn the vehicle around at the next exit if they didn't stop. That would keep them calm until the exit had come and gone.

Whoever sat in the middle would always crowd at one of the window with another sister when they finally drove off the right exit. Houses that lined the streets, entrances to cul-de-sacs they knew nothing about, stores along the main street where one could get seemingly everything. They viewed this place as something closer to Heaven than anything else they had ever seen.

When, at last, the Dodge made a right turn into its destination, a cul-de-sac like any other, there were six hands manically fumbling at the door handles. By the mail box of a house that would one day be called abandoned, haunted even, stood a silver haired old man. The lines on his face, had they possessed the ability to speak our language, could tell the most wondrous stories of war and love but when he saw the doors of the car fly open before it had even parked by the curb, the lines spoke only of love.

Their grandfather, Ace, would open up his massive home for both daughter and granddaughters all summer. He never paid it any mind; always insisting that the house had become too big and empty for him since his wife had passed. Nothing pleased him more than seeing his daughter's offspring run rampantly around the place, a breath of life that seemed to freshen the very air he breathed. Many stories could be written by this man; what he had seen on the beaches of Normandy, the smell of Korean mud or the sound that follows an American bombshell hitting Vietnamese soil. What love felt like. What loss felt like. Unbelievable happiness and heartbreaking farewells. But this story is not about Ace. It concerns one of the sisters and I am afraid that we have to make haste before we lose her; it seems she has already set out on her quest.

The oldest of the sisters, Lee, and the youngest, May, had not yet developed the characteristic interests they would later possess, primarily in their teenage years, but the middle sister had. The one named Marie. She liked cars.

Or, rather, it had started out as a fascination with cars, especially the ones that didn't work quite right, and had since developed into a general interest of all things mechanical. This is the reason we are now following her rushing down the street from her grandfather's house, she's making her way to a very special place that she has been waiting to visit for the better part of a year. The local junkyard with its spiraling towers of all things discarded.

Her mind had been made up from the moment they left the trailer park behind them; something would be built this summer. She knew it. Sure, helping out and learning from her neighbor Mr. Fitzgerald about cars had really been exhilarating but a feeling had begun to run through her that she needed to build something with her own two hands. A creative itch that could easily be cured with a trip to the junkyard.

Mountains of garbage greeted her when she stepped onto the grounds. A foul smell also greeted her but didn't exactly turn out to be bothersome; her school's locker rooms were not particularly sanitary to begin with, no less when a whole class of hyperactive, sweaty students had marched through it. Scanning the heaps for potential hidden treasures, her mouth stretched into a wide grin when her eyes landed upon an old car which had definitely seen better days.

The wheels were gone, as well as the majority of the interior, but those things didn't interest her. Using the head of a shovel, she dug her way into the pile of trash until she could easily pry the hood of the car open with it. Most of the engine seemed to still be intact, albeit a bit rusty, and the parts that weren't directly connected to the engine block, she eagerly pulled out and placed in her pockets until they were full. She made a mental note to return with her grandfather's tool box and a wagon to harvest some of the more vital parts as the small mechanics that filled her pockets and a loose carburetor were the only things she could salvage in this very moment. Happy with what she had collected, she closed the hood of the car, picked up the device and froze. A few feet from the boot of the car stood a boy.

Said boy stared at her just as Marie stared back. Looking down at the haul in her hands and her clothes, she could understand his surprised gaze. Filth and grime covered her white T-shirt, her cheeks were smudged with decade old motor oil, not to mention that her blue hair held up in a pony tail, sans the bangs that covered her right eye, usually granted her many compliments of being rather unique. These comments would be lost in the sea of time as she grew older and her self-image began to sink but in the life of her seven year old self, she considered it a source of pride.

Meanwhile, his clothes were absolutely spotless. Orange shirt, purple shorts, black beanie; all without a single stain. Did he not play? Did he not scuffle around with his friends, as all the other boys did in her school? Then she noticed the gap in his upper front row of teeth and remarked to herself that he must have been one of the most ferocious ones to fight. To get a tooth knocked out, even if just a baby tooth...

She realized that they had been staring at each other for quite some time without saying a single word. Maybe he had become just as surprised as her and had begun to wonder the identity of this girl in front of him. Mechanics couldn't exactly be considered a 'girly' thing, she had been told that many a times over the years. Maybe if she explained herself, it would ease his mind.

"I'm not stealing. This is just trash. People don't want it but I do. I'm building a robot." He suddenly looked mortified, as if he hadn't been expecting her to be able to talk, and took an insecure step backwards. Deciding that she didn't want to startle the boy, she continued to speak as she slowly made her way over the roof of the car, carburetor in a tight grip. "I like cars. It's like a puzzle; every detail needs to fit together for it to work. I help my neighbor sometimes. That's why I wanna build a robot. I wanna be able to do something alone. My mom says that doesn't make me weird, just special. It doesn't matter if I'm a girl, I can do what I want. I might name the robot Beanie, like your hat." She jumped off the boot and landed on the ground, her tattered shoes stirring up some sand. The boy did nothing for a moment, seemingly mulling over the stream of words that had made their way out of her mouth. A thought crossed her mind that maybe he suffered from bad hearing, like Mrs. Foreman on the other side of the trailer park back home, before his eyes calmed the slightest. Looking around, as if he had decided to share his greatest secret with her, he looked down at the ground almost dejectedly before mumbling rather nervously.

"I collect spores." She stared at him, stunned at his revelation, and smiled cheerfully; not being alone in having unorthodox hobbies comforted her. He returned her smile, though as nervously as his mumbling had been, and there they stood, simply smiling at each other. She thought the whole situation rather pleasant just as she thought the boy rather pleasant, maybe they could become summertime friends. This suggestion, along with a presentation of herself, never left her lips however as a third voice cut through the rather pleasant silence.

"HEY, SOCKHEAD!" The boy quickly whipped around, looking around for the owner of the voice. Within the confines of a second, Marie made up her mind and ran. She didn't know why she ran, she didn't know why she hadn't simply told the boy that he could find her at her grandfather's house; she just bolted out of the pleasantness with the carburetor held close to her chest. Perhaps the thought of him having other friends while she had none seemed unfair. Maybe she had just gotten nervous. It didn't seem important at that time.

The robot never worked but she pretended it did. She called it Beanie, introduced herself to it and they had imaginative adventures in her grandfather's garage. Once the summer had passed, they waved goodbye to Ace and his house for the last time as this would become the year he fell down the cellar stairs which in turn led to him getting a much smaller apartment in the city. Their summertime vacations to the community halted, the house gathered up dust as it never seemed to be sold and the next time any of them would see the street again would be five years later when Mrs. Kanker decided that she wanted to live closer to her father. Only when the three, by then devious, sisters infiltrated their old vacation home to play a prank on their love interest did something remind Marie of this meeting between two children. An old pile of mechanical components resting in a corner of the garage, cobwebs gathering up around the gears that would represent its vital organs, still waiting for a little blue haired mechanic to fix him up once summer rolled around again.

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><p><strong>I'm not a big fan of author's notes, I feel it disrupts a story; especially if it's been a rather emotional piece and, upon reaching the end, find a frazzled writer apologizing profoundly for the lack of updates. If this is more like your cup of tea, consider this your lucky day!<strong>

**This story... I don't even know- Let me start at the beginning. This story birthed forth from a single line:**

**"I collect spores"**

**From there, I decided that it would be nice for me to have a sort of 'longer drabbles' framework; a place where I can come and just write. Doesn't even need to be good, just a dumping ground for relieving writer's block. Then I figured that it'd be rather cool if you, my trusty reader, had a line not entirely unlike the one above which you would like to see me possibly write a shorter story around. (shorter still as this got really out of hand, I aimed for maybe 800 words here...)**

**So, if you like, drop a review with a line and, also just if you would like to, a character or two and I might get around to writing something around it when I feel the need to write without having to strain myself with my current writing responsibilities. I'm well aware of the stories I'm currently neglecting and I apologize profoundly for continuously spouting new stories instead of working on the ones I've already begun. Hopefully, this concept could remedy that.**

**Either way, hope you enjoyed this story!**

**By the by, also challenged myself to write something without using the word 'was'. 'Twas quite trying at times.**


	2. Dzień miłości

"You know, detention's almost bearable these days."

"Hear, hear!"

"Oh, Big Ed; what'd I ever do without you?"

"Didn't cuddle in detention!"

"Ridenhour told me that my grades been dropping even more in the last couple of months so we might have to cut our association here short, Shortstack."

"Pfft, wasn't much to drop there anyway!"

"C'mon now; someday, someone's gotta make sure the dough flow is working in this relationship and with your track record, we ain't getting past the Park n' Flush sign."

"You saying my scams sucked?!"

"Even I do, Eddy."

"I'm with May on this, Shortstacks!"

"Shut it, Ed."

"Aw, did I hurt your little feelings there? C'mere and show me who the big man on campus is."

"Is it me?"

"You're _my _big man on campus, Ed."

"That's good enough for me!"

So it had come that Ed Firefly and May Kanker had entered into a relationship, as had their respective friend Eddy McGee and sibling Lee Kanker, and the entire school was already longing for the days of old when Ed and Eddy would come flying down the hallways, screaming bloody murder, with the two sisters in hot pursuit. Now, however, were conversations like this echoing through the hallways and had been for the last few months, something the student majority agreed was getting rather sickening. It wasn't just the flirtatious banter, it was absolutely _everything. _The nicknames, the loud gatherings at lunch, the snogging that couldn't even wait half an hour until class ended. It was constant, it was brutal and it had popped up out of absolutely nowhere; no one knew how these seemingly mortal enemies buried the hatchet and instead brought out the roses.

"Do you think Mr. Elmqvist will come back?" Not even the teacher in charge of detention had been able to deter the two couples from sharing a seat and snaking their arms around each other; something he quickly found nauseating and decided to go to the teacher's lounge to drink his coffee in peace. Of course, just between you and me, Mr. Elmqvist would have returned had it not been for the fact that the coffee maker had been broken in a tedious student prank earlier that afternoon and he instead spent a substantial amount of time complaining about it with the math teacher Mrs. Thistletwat. The two would one year later marry in Cabo and no former students were invited to the wedding. Some still came.

"If he can't handle the love-" Judging by the wedding night, Lee was wrong. "- Then he should wind up the pacemaker and get himself some." Eddy sharply inhaled through his teeth when Lee's wandering hand hit a sore spot.

"Damn, baby, chill; still sore from the tumble you gave me out on the field last night."

"You should've worn protection." Lee leaned in close and nuzzled their noses together. Eddy jerked when she yet again grazed the sore spot.

"Like monkeys in heat." Ed shook his head disapprovingly at the pair and gained a condescending look from the girlfriend in his lap.

"You're not much better yourself there, _Mr. Big..._" She whispered seductively in his ear, sending a shiver down his spine.

"Shouldn't ever have watched 'Sex and the City' with you..." Blissful silence fell upon the classroom as the couples embraced in a gentle tongue war, stopping all worries within the confines of the educational walls. All was perfect in the moment.

...

Right up until the loud ***BANG* **of the door swinging open startled everyone in their respective seats and laps.

"I'm just saying; maybe if she got a little dick every now and then, she wouldn't be such a colossal-"

"For the love of all that is holy, Marie; language!"

"What, I'm hurting your sensitive ears now? Fuck, shit, ass, cu-"

"Are you five? Really, are you? Because it would not surprise me if somewhere along the way, you actually reverted back to being-"

"Oh, here we go; I'm not mature enough, I'm not-"

"_You threw a stapler after her!_"

"She stuck us here!"

"Quite rightfully so!"

"Maybe if she'd actually get some action, she wouldn't be such a withered old-"

"Language!"

"Oh, fuck you." The two couples rolled their eyes as a third one entered the classroom and stood bickering in the doorway; this wasn't exactly a rare sight to witness. It wasn't serious either though; Eddward Hammer had learned early on that the only way to defuse his companion Marie Kanker when she began to argue over minuscule details was to argue right back.

"Bless my stars and polish my garters; Master Ed, do my eyes deceive me?" Eddy rubbed his eyes in mock amazement and stared in surprise at the young man in the doorway who held a no-nonsense expression.

"If so then mine do as well, Master Eddy! I do believe that Mr. Hammer might be lost, surely a mistake of the highest caliber!" Eddward groaned when Ed joined in on the act, forcefully pulling out a chair a few rows in front of his friends and sat down, sulking.

"I dare say, old bean; not would _our_ most revered Mr. Hammer have done such a misdeed as to have ended up with delinquents such as ourselves!"

"Shut it, Halfpipe." Eddy duly did shut it when Marie sent a threatening look his way before sitting down at the desk next to Eddward's. "It's not that bad, Double-D."

"Permanent records, Marie; I highly doubt this will just be smoothed over!" He grabbed his forehead and sighed grimly. Marie scooted her chair closer and threw a comforting arm around his slumped shoulders.

"What happened?" May asked.

"What're y'all in for?" Marie threw the question out over her shoulder.

"Got caught making out in a cupboard." Ed said with a grin, holding May even closer than before.

"We... might've done something a bit more than that in the handicapped can." Eddy sheepishly scratched his head and Lee reached out to pinch his cheek.

"I love it when you blush."

"Jesus Christ, keep it in your pants, will you?" Marie made a disgusted face and turned her chair around. "Aight, look; like I've been trying to tell Double-D, it's no big deal."

"Tell that to the board of admission at Princeton."

"Quiet you." She put a hand on his equally sulking knee. "We were standing by the lockers; Double-D was packing his usual suitcase full of text books, I was surfing 9Gag or some shit like that when I saw something funny and laughed real loud. This kid turns from his locker and asks me to keep quiet, guy has like a headache or too tight underwear."

"Who's the guy?"

"The Polish kid in Physics."

"Oh, is he the guy who gets this nervous twitch whenever someone mentions Star Wars?"

"Yeah, that's the guy. Anyway, I tell him it's a free country, he says some bullshit that it's astonishing if I'd actually been able to learn something by sucking the knowledge outta Double-D's mouth at every given moment-"

"God damn!"

"Shit."

"That's a good one, I'll give him that."

"- And so I move in closer and tell him my life motto's 'Knowledge is knowing a tomato's a fruit, wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad'."

"Is it?"

"Fuck no, but I figured it sounded smart. Anyway, he moves in even closer and says his life motto is-"

"..." She stopped mid-sentence when Double-D emitted an almost audible mumble.

"Come again, Sockhead?"

"He said his life motto is '_To be, kurwa, or not to be_'." A short silence fell over them. May broke it.

"Doesn't kurwa mean-"

"It means a lot of things, May." Lee had half a mind to head out the door and find the guy to say a few meaningful words herself.

"Yeah." Marie picked up the story again. "It took three seconds before the guy was on the ground, holding his nose and moaning in pain."

"Yeah, that's my sister!" May jumped in her seat and Ed had to shift his position quickly so she wouldn't land in an improper place and hurt him horribly.

"I hit him." Another silence, more stunned than the first one, fell upon them at Double-D's words.

"You... Hit him?" Marie nodded in answer to Eddy's question. "Ho. Ly. Shit. Sockhead, I didn't even know you had it in you!"

"There are but two things I deplore mockery of; the works of William Shakespeare and my... girlfriend." Double-D's cheeks turned a deep scarlet as he sunk his head even lower. Marie kissed his blushing cheek and rested her head on his shoulder.

"This... Might be the most badass thing any of us have ever done." Eddy held back what would have been a rather feminine sounding shriek as a result of Lee twisting his nipple.

"Speak for yourself, Shorty; I've punched motherfuckers since before you laid eyes on your first porno mag." He growled at the sight of her smug grin.

"Oh, you wanna dance? You wanna dance?"

"Give it your best shot, Larry Flynn."

"I was looking through your computer, trying to find a movie for us to watch, and I found a little file called 'Eddy McGee, Ladies Man'-"

"You WHAT?! You coinsucking little moneygrabber; you ever tell anybody what you-"

"Hey, Ed; you wanna-" Whatever information Eddy was about to indulge to the room became lodged in his throat when Lee in a single movement had jumped off of him and held him dangling in the air, inches away from her snarling face.

"You're going to regret this, McGee. You're going to regret this soooo hard..." He swallowed unsuccessfully, as the sentence cut short was still traversing about his trachea, and tried to control his trembling lip. Maybe he'd crossed a line but come on, she had to admit that it was kinda... Okay, the malice in her eyes spoke of feelings other than amusement.

"Come on, baby, it was just a joke; you know I'd never-" She shushed him harshly, placing a gentle finger against his lips.

"Yeah, you'd never. And now I'm going to make damned sure you ain't never again. Girls, I'd spend the night at your fellas' houses tonight 'cause this little piggy's gonna wish he'd stayed home with some roast beef." Marie and Double-D made matching faces of disgust while May and Ed just laughed.

"I say we do so, May; gonna be hard to sleep with Eddy going 'wee, wee, wee' all night!"

"SHUT UP AND HELP ME, ED; I'M SCARED FOR MY LIFE HERE!" Though they were by now of almost equal height, Eddy still wondered how his girlfriend could be so freakishly strong; he was struggling against her one-handed grip with all of his might.

"C'est la vie, Eddy; do write if you survive the ordeal." Marie snickered into Double-D's shirt; there was always something about his deadpan delivery that amused her relentlessly.

"Oh, you're going to get it, Sockhead."

"I think you're the one getting it today, Eddy." Ed let out a joyful laughter and held his wisecracking May closer.

"Enough talk, let's get this barbecue started!" Lee rapidly stalked out the door with Eddy still dangling helplessly in her hand.

"HELP ME, GUYS; I'M TOO YOUNG FOR A HIP REPLACEMENT!" Cries and swears echoed loudly down the hall for a good minute before peace was restored.

"Hey, wanna head to the candy store?" May turned in her seat and Ed grinned widely, planting a kiss on her lips.

"I would live there if I could."

"Cool! Hey, do-"

"Of course, only if you'd live there with me!"

"Oh, Gravy Guy; of course-"

"A little dungeon below the store where we would sit in front of an open fire."

"That sounds-"

"Then we could spend the long winter evenings packing fudge in the-"

"Heh." The blonde clamped a hand over his mouth, her cheeks shifting colors as she looked over to the other couple. "Hey, you guys wanna come?"

"Not if you're gonna be packing fudge."

"Rather certain I have already contracted diabetes from this exchange of words."

"Come on, it'll be fun! Might take your mind off of the whole detention thing." She hoped that this would sway Double-D, if he came then Marie came; the blue-haired teen had been sure not to make them do _too _many things that the brainiac didn't want to in this relationship so far, especially when he was being melodramatically melancholic. Thankfully for the other three, Double-D sighed in defeat and rose slowly.

"Very well then."Barely had the words left Double-D's saddened lips before Ed scooped up May on his left shoulder and was quick to scoop the intellectual up on his other shoulder.

"Family field trip!"

"See, Sugar Plum? Hakuna Matata." Marie followed the walking parade float, trying to hide her amused smile at the sight of Double-D clinging to Ed's head with all of his might.

"Tell that to Mrs. Thistletwat."

"Oh, come on; she'll get over it!"

"She find the kid you hit, Double-D?"

"No. But even if she had, she most likely would have thought it the least of her worries."

"What?"

"Field trip, field trip!"

"Well, Marie thought it so fantastic that I stood up for her that she granted me a kiss. A kiss that then whisked us heedlessly away as we slowly began to make our way around the baseball diamond."

"What, there in the hallway?"

"Unfortunately. Even more so, we were somewhere between the second and third bases when the gentleman came to."

"What'd he say?"

"'It was a fucking movie quote, for god's-' was as far as he got before he screamed loudly in disgust at the sight before him and made his way to the nearest lavatory, hand over his mouth."

"That's when that bitch Thistletwat showed up."

"Marie's corrupting you, Double-D."

"All too aware of that, May."

"Come on, you know you like it, Oven Mitt."

"For god's sake, Sis; put those away!"

* * *

><p><strong>I really have a problem, this is not how long it was supposed to be. Either way, the line:<strong>

**"To be, kurwa, or not to be." Submitted by the lovely BarthVader.**

**Now, Barth. I do apologize if you take offense from the small off-screen cameo, which I really hope you don't because this was hilarious to think up, but it was just obvious from the beginning what kind of a story this was going to be.**

**Not my best, dear reader, but that's just what this framework is; a dumping ground for one-shots, good or bad.**

**Cheers!**


	3. Diggy, Diggy!

**_"DIGGING A HOOOOLE!"_**

"**GOOD****WORK BUT I WANNA SEE YOU WORK EVEN HARDER AFTER LUNCH, YOU DIMWITTED WEAKLINGS!"**

**"AYE, SIRE!"**

**"LOUD AND CLEAR, CAPTAIN!"**

**"GET OUTTA HERE NOW, SECOND SHIFT STARTS IN TWO TURNS OF THE HOURGLASS!" **The red-bearded Dwarf barked out a final order before turning his back on his workers and entering his office. He cursed to himself, as he always did; his predecessor, who had received the secluded space fit specifically to his measurements, had been a lot shorter than he was so he constantly had to duck when stepping through the door which seemed just as wide as it was tall.

He sat down in his creaky desk chair and scratched his chin carefully, as he had learned from experience how easy it was for his fingers to become entangled in his thick beard. The chair creaked loudly in protest when he leaned back to throw his giant boot-clad feet up on the dusty desk, soiling a paper or two in the process. A yawn escaped the mess of red facial hair. Tired already yet it was only lunchtime. The blame could only be placed upon the little one at home. A finger, even thicker than his offspring's arm, reached out to a small, wooden device where it tipped over one of two hourglasses, balancing beautifully. Two turns, lunch and dinner each.

He looked back out through the wooden frame that was his glassless window. Wondering how far the jaws of the Human and Elven Kings would drop if they could see the full glory of their mine, not to mention the mechanical work involved in the excavation. The light that illuminated the mine was but from a single flaming vat of oil, the fire of which reflected through the gemstones to bouncing off of precious metals resting closest to the surface of the walls. Oh, what they wouldn't give to lay their hands on even a foot of digging space. Of course, nothing either Human or Elf possessed had yet to titillate the desire of a Dwarf. They liked to think that they were happier living simpler lives.

"**D****azahk**, did I miss the second encore again?! That's the fourth time this week!" Speaking of simpler, a second Dwarf entered the small space, which was by then getting rather cramped, and threw out his thick arms in disappointment, knocking over a jug of ale with the edge of his mantle.

"Afraid so, Eddy."

"Dammit." Eddy, as he was supposedly called, sighed grimly and cupped the small portion of his face not covered in facial hair with his hand. Precious rings covered his fingers, each ingrained with an expensive gemstone in one of the rainbow's colors. This meant he had or would be meeting with representatives from either the Humans or the Elves as he only ever wore them to show off Dwarfish wealth to outsiders. The true nature of said wealth could however not be measured in said rings as the mining teams easily dug out enough gold, silver, diamonds and rubies in a single day to start both Human and Elven civil wars to last a thousand years each, which is why the Dwarves found the concept of jewelry pointless.

"Pointy ears or non-pointy?"

"Non-pointy before lunchtime, pointy after." The King, whose name was still Eddy, sighed grimly and fell against the doorway for moral support, something that prompted the doorway to attempt to fall back against him as it was unsure if the wooden structure of the building could withstand the weight of a fully-grown, fully-dressed, fully-bearded Dwarf. "I'll tell you, Ed, I really miss the mines. The comrades, the constant competitions, the endless _singing._"

"Yep, we got it pretty cozy down here." Ed, as the seated Dwarf was named, stuck his hands into two of his many pockets and began to rummage around. It was after all lunchtime and he as Chief-Captain of the miners could never be late for the second shift. Or the first. Or the third for that matter. "You eaten?"

"Nah." Eddy shook his head, making the plenitude of golden chains around his neck echo loudly. "Supposed to have a feast with the Overlord of the Pointy-Eared Fairies. No, wait; kings apparently don't have feasts, we have _banquets._" He stuck out his tongue as if having tasted something foul.

"I got an apple." Ed very much did pull an apple out of a pocket on his well-worn leather coat. The apple actually looked about as well-worn as the coat, having been resting next to some wrapped up axle-grease in a scalding hot pocket for twenty turns of the hourglass.

"Yeah, I can do with one." Eddy stood up straight again and the whole office creaked gratefully in relief.

"Hang on." The red-bearded Dwarf pressed it hard against his woolen shirt, rubbing it back and forth in an attempt to wipe some of the grime off. His whole beard frowned when his effort only awarded him with a slightly cleaner shirt.

"Come now, we ain't fancy folk here." Ed shrugged and tossed the fruit carelessly into the air where the King's ring-clad fingers quickly closed around it.

"At least the King retains some humility." Eddy turned in surprise at the addition of a third voice, a smile splitting his dark beard in twain.

"Well, well, well; glad to see you finally crawled out of the dungeons, Gearhead!"

"Not of my own will, I admit; the Chief Assistants all rather sternly told me to get out and find something to eat. They are right, of course; the calculations are extremely delicate this early in the process and a malnourished Chief Engineer is the last thing we need." The newcomer squeezed his way past the King and took a seat on a stool in the corner, none of which would have been possible if he hadn't been one of the gangliest Dwarves to be born to the mountain.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have the prettiest mouth ever to be born to Khaerc Ecpe?" Eddy grinned deviously and bit into the juicy, though dirty, fruit. The gangly dwarf, who was one of the few whose height-to-width ratio didn't meet traditional Dwarf measures, followed Ed's example and began digging through his seemingly infinite amount of pockets.

"Your mother." Chunks of apple sprayed all over the small room as Eddy began to splutter, cough and hack. Ed however let out a deep, bellowing laughter, his chair creaking along with him.

"Good one, Double-D!"

"Thank you, Ed; I very much thought so myself." The gangly one, Double-D, raised his eyebrows triumphantly and pulled out a piece of paper from his inner pocket. Reading silently from it, he started to reach into the lab coat's pockets with a new found sense of direction.

"I could have you beheaded for such insolence, Gearhead!" The King tried to sound authoritative and threatening but the whole act was undermined by the fevered coughing and the shade of cherry that was creeping up over his face.

"And risk setting Khaerc Ecpe's engineering branch back one hundred years? I would not believe so." That much due had to be given. The Dwarves had inhabited the mountain of Khaerc Ecpe for hundreds of years but it was during the leadership of King Eddy that the clan had really come to thrive, especially as a result of Double-D's engineering and Ed's apparently tireless strength, both physical and psychological. They had begun to dig deeper than ever before, with the help of the Chief Engineer's newly constructed machines, which had extended both the Dwarven kingdom and the Dwarven fortune, establishing the newly appointed king as a force to be reckoned with.

"I'll give you that one." Eddy wheezed out a shaky breath and straightened back up, casting a mournful glance at the ruined apple lying in a scornful pile on the floor. "Anybody got anything to donate to a poor, hungry king?" He slid the crown off his head and held it out, shaking it towards each of his two companions. Double-D looked up from both blueprint and the sandwich constructed from said blueprints and looked inquiringly at his friend.

"Do you not have the feast with King Jimmy the First, Overlord of the Elvish people of Reknob Loom, Defender of the Delvaarian Fields, Protector of the-"

"Holy Orbs of Khaerc, chill with the titles! Still can't believe it took almost a year to stop you using mine!"

"Manners are due where they are due."

"Well, we _are_ Dwarves, Double-D." Ed slammed a massive arm against his mouth and trying to wipe off the remainder of his rapidly ingested lunch, instead only massaging it into his massive beard.

"Hey, Lumpy, anything left?"

"I got... This!" From the vicinity of his armpit, Ed pulled out what appeared to once had been a fish. The smell that followed seemed hellbent on convincing them otherwise.

"Oh dear-" Double-D clamped a hand over his nose, retching silently at the sight and smell of the aquatic husk. "What in heaven's name is that?!"

"Wife's cookery!"

"Always told you she's a keeper." Eddy accepted the fish, gobbling it down whole in a single bite. "Holy- That is some damn aftertaste, whew!"

"The stench; it's deplorable!" The Chief Engineer quickly reached up with his free hand and lowered a thick, copper mask that had been resting on top of his helmet, effectively covering his entire face.

"Cool mask, Double-D!" Ed wiped his hands against his thighs and only succeeded in making his pants a little less dirty.

"You wouldn't... Believe how many... Fine beards..." The King rolled his eyes at the panting mechanic. Surely the smell wasn't that bad; end of the mines' third shift, now there was a real stench. "Have been lost down... There in the forges!"

"I've seen back hair finer than your beard!" Eddy laughed loudly at his own triumphant insult and Ed slapped his knee in joy and joined him. It was true though; Double-D was in every sense of Dwarven ways taking a detour. Not enough body mass to sustain work in the mines, taller than your average Khaerc Dwarf, slimmer than your average Khaerc Dwarf, a whole heap more intelligent and what facial hair he possessed could barely be called a goatee. Meanwhile, Eddy seemed the very epitome of Dwarfishness; strong, short, stout, always a hand on the battle axe and a face that was more black beard than exposed skin. Ed, though even taller than Double-D, fit the criteria of a Dwarf perfectly as well, due to his relentless strength and stamina.

"Har, har." Raising the mask slightly, Double-D took a bite out of his sandwich. "So, King of the Elves?"

"Wha?" The King composed himself, throwing his ridiculously bejeweled crown back on his head. The crown was as well just for show; a tinsel covered piece of flimsy metal was not worthy to dress the head of a king, least of all one who had swiftly ended the bloodbath that was the war between the Dwarves and the Harpies by slaying the three heads of their Nekkra clan. "Oh, yeah; we're having a _banquet_ as soon as the pointy-eared bastard shows up."

"You? At a _banquet_?"

"I couldn't believe it either." Ed threw a quick glance at the desk where the sand running through the second of the two hourglasses had come halfway. Not much time left before lunch was over.

"Look, it's a feast, aight? It's just that Lord Shiny Dick _needs _a _proper _welcoming committee before he can discuss business." A guttural burp escaped the kingly lips, the upper of which curved. "Phew, thought the fish was swimming its way out again there for a moment."

"I would not suggest calling him 'Lord Shiny Dick' at the meal in question."

"The guy obviously has a hard-on for diamonds!"

"That's true; the disdain in the miners' eyes when the Elven carts roll out of here." Ed knew all too well what would be happening during the second shift that day once the Elvish King arrived; some unfortunate miners would have to trudge all the way through the winding shafts, fetch two of the carts belonging to the Elvish party, trudge back down into the depths of the mine, load them up with 'אבק כוכבים' (the Dwarven nickname for diamonds too small to be useful for anything other than tinsel decorating) and push them back up to the surface again. It was truly a depressing job; not only to see the contrast between the freshness of the outside world and the dingy, darkness that ran throughout their mountain but also because Elves could be absolute dicks to Dwarves. There was nothing to do but take it; the two races had gone to war over something so insignificant as an insult aimed at the handiwork of an Elven horse's shoe.

"Such is life, I'm afraid. Can I assume King Rolf, Son of the Shepherd, Protector of Human Kin, Defender of-"

"Wrap it up, Gearhead; I gotta flash all this scrap metal in the palest face you ever saw." The King shook his fingers as if to demonstrate how much he would flash it in the Elven King's face.

"How did the meeting with the King of the Humans fare?" Double-D stood up and stretched out; work in the forge had been going on non-stop for the last hundred turns of the hourglass and it was taking its toll out on his back. He folded up his sandwich-blueprint and returned it to his inner pocket where he would most assuredly forget about it.

"Struck a new deal with him, their crops for our metal and all that. Like him a lot better than that Elven prick." Eddy cracked his knuckled and emitted a yawn; a royal nap wouldn't sit completely wrong. "So yeah, it fared well. Was it fair? Well..."

"Farewell!" The chair suddenly creaked curiously as the monstrous weight was lifted off of it. Ed stopped the remaining of the two hourglasses, packed his pockets again and turned to his two friends. "Second shift's starting!"

"Right, I should return to the dark depths of engineering. I do believe that if we can get the mechanics to work properly, we shall be able to dig well below sea level and quite possibly encounter-"

"The... Orbs of Khaerc?" Desire gleamed in the royal eyes; the Orbs of Khaerc was the stuff of legend and could buy the Dwarves complete control of an area fifty times in size of the mountain they inhabited. Sent down by the gods in a fire hailstorm, the orbs sank deep into the core of the rocky earth and the landscape shifted around the crater, growing taller and taller until the mountain of Khaerc Ecpe majestically rose out of the ashes. It was their legacy, their birthright. Not a Dwarven mouth was dry at the thought of those succulent orbs, big enough to break a grown Dwarf's jaw.

"I cannot promise anything but if they are down there, a hopeful prognosis might be in time for Cioncatun's Day." The mask on Double-D's helmet slid down as Eddy without warning spun him out of the room by the arms and over the safety railing that separated the office from a gut wrenchingly long drop to the mining floor down below.

"I'd tell you I love you, Gearhead, but ain't that kinda Dwarf!"

"It's of course just a preliminary guess! There are still many a-"

"The Orbs of Khaerc; this is the best news I could've gotten!" He let go of the Chief Engineer, who promptly tumbled into the wall and tripped over the glassless window back into the office, and rubbed his hands together. "Now I'm really ready to meet that smug, Elven cu-"

**"THOSE WHO AREN'T HERE YET CAN STAY WHERE THEY ARE; WE AIN'T RUNNING NO DAMN, FANCY ELVEN INN HERE!" **The King almost fell over at the sheer force Ed's voice carried as it echoed through the cave. The sound that followed, the deep cheer in reaction to the Elven insult, did put a smile on his lips though, bringing him back to his old days as a miner. Back when his brother was still king. What a mad fool; so many grave mistakes but that last one... Oh, boy; a skylight to let sunshine into the mines. The Dwarves were on board with almost everything when it came to mining but digging upwards sure hadn't been one of them. The earth had once been their cradle and the mountain would become their tomb; it had been that way for generations before and it would continue to be that way for many to come. Then something suddenly snapped him out of his thoughts. Beautiful memories.

The low-pitched hum of a hundred Dwarves, a hundred hammers and pickaxes striking stone in perfect harmony, the satisfying sensation when someone gave out a satisfied roar at finding a particularly big haul; this was what he missed.

"Hey, Chief-Captain, you think I can stay for the first turn of this shift? I really miss the singing when I'm upstai-" Eddy stopped, horrified at the sound of a loud horn being blown in the distance cutting through, though not interrupting, the harmonious melody being struck up in the mines.

"I do believe the- Ow.- King of the Elves with company is here." Double-D appeared between the two and rubbed the back of his head; though he'd never been a mine worker himself, he'd worked closely with them to maximize the output with minimum effort in the years before Eddy had been crowned. He had to admit that there was something immensely fascinating about the possibly endless work these Dwarves were doing, never faltering for anything. It was a loyalty to their kin he had yet to see in any other race.

"Son of an Elf. Come on, just a little-"

**"I MUST KINDLY BEG YOU- I must beg your Royal Dwarfness to please hurry along to his next appointment as the miners have their own tasks for the Elven visit!" **Having adjusted his voice from mine-echoing to simply deafening, his gaze sharpened as he met Eddy's. Though he was indeed King of all of this, he had no right to stop their work. Especially not when he had his own task to attend to.

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

"Come on, my path to the forges fall similarly to your path to the mountain's opening." Double-D offered Ed a curt nod, which was returned with an even curter nod. The Chief-Captain was working and he meant business.

"Better make it hella loud, Ed; maybe I'll hear some of it on my way up. To the Elf. And the _banquet. _And his horrible anecdotes about that redheaded, bitch queen- I miss the mines, Double-D!" Eddy's head sunk dejectedly, his shoulders slumping as he turned his back to Ed and his beloved mine where he had worked since he was old enough to wield a pickaxe.

"Sometimes I do too, King Eddy. Sometimes I do too." Ed followed the two out of the corner of his eye and the corner of his mouth sagged slightly. He too missed the times when all three of them had been cavorting in the mines, having a jolly good time without a care in the world. Those days were of course a thing of the distant past now, he told himself. He had a task, he had a job. They all counted on him and damn it all if he was going to let them down.

**"DWARVES OF KHAERC ECPE; DIG!" **This mighty cry also bounced against the rocky walls, resounding back mixed with similar cries from the Dwarves down below. The humming picked up, louder than before lunch, and he really hoped their king was taking slow steps because this round of song might even be felt up to where the Elves were standing. They could have the outside world for all he cared. They had a home in the mountain.

_**"BROTHERS OF THE MINE, REJOICE!"**_

* * *

><p><strong>Let me explain. I'm a sucker for epic sounding anthems of victory. So, I heard a song and it just stuck with me which basically became the basis for this:<strong>

**"Diggy Diggy Hole" by The Yogscast.**

**Don't judge me; it really made me want to drop everything, grow a kickass beard and find a mountain I could dig in with some equally beard-equipped friends while we sing it all day long to keep morale up.**

**Though the song is based on Minecraft (which I've never played, first impression is sort of like interactive, online Lego), this whole mythology leans more towards the world of Tolkien. Except for the Harpies.**

**So... Yeah. A whole shitload longer than I intended but you already knew that. I really have to set a limit to the word count, this is just ridiculous. Oh, well; another day, another writer's block.**

**Until we next meet; peace!**


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